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World's Smartest Inventions 12 transcript
(angelic music playing) man: Holy crap, it's the golden ticket. I'm going to the World's Smartest Inventions Factory!♪♪This is amazing.man: Yes, isn't it, though?Welcome to my factory,young lad.Tonight, you will see with yourown two eyes, 20 of the world'ssmartest inventions.A machine that transforms meatinto other differentlyshaped meats!An alternative to waxingyour face.A contraption that magicallymoves people.We also have the coolest pillowin the world.man: Oh, goodness.man: A seat cushion that will getyou wasted.And at a top-secret location,the number one smartestinvention.man: I can't wait to go home andtell my friends all about it.man: Oh, you're not going home,young boy, no, that wasa one-way golden ticket.You work here now.man: Ahh!man: "The World's SmartestInventions" start right now.Closed Captions Provided by truTVannouncer: Has this happened to you?Where is your umbrella duringsudden rain and snow?In the car, home?But not with you?If you walked into that rain,you'd get drenched.But no more.Introducing the Pen-brella,the amazing umbrella in a pen.Jared: The Pen-brella is anawkwardly large pen anda pitifully small umbrella.It does two jobs poorly.announcer: You'll never be caughtwithout an umbrella againbecause most of us carry a penall of the time.Brendon: Yeah, you know how you carrythose big weird carnival pensand pencils around with youeverywhere?Well, now one of them has anumbrella in it.announcer: This pen can even protectyour new hairdo from beingruined.man: There could be a thunderstormgoing on around me right now.I wouldn't know thanks toPen-brella.announcer: Pull it out of your pocketor case.Never get caught in the rain orsnow without an umbrella again.Mike T.: And in case you're wonderingwhat kind of (bleep) would buythis thing?A dude who still dresses likeAustin Powers, that's who.announcer: They make wonderful gifts.♪♪woman: Really?man: No...(laughing)(loud slurping)man: Ahh!announcer: Put the Pen-brella in yourkid's backpack and breathea sigh of relief.Chris: I'm gonna actually use thePen-brella pen to write myself alittle note.Here we go.announcer: The Pen-brella is exclusivelysold through this specialTV offer.The price, just $14.95.But wait, order now and we'lldouble the offer.You'll get two Pen-brellas forthe same price.man: Call more four more times,you'll have eight Pen-brellasequal to one real umbrella.announcer: You'll never be caughtwithout an umbrella again.narrator: Workplace inventions cantransform the office intoa place of innovationand efficiency.The number 19 invention isno exception.woman: Oh my gosh, Amy, so I changedmy profile picture and now I'mgetting poked all the time.man: After work, you and me,drinks and then we're gonna seewhat happens.announcer: When you have an importantdeadline, don't you wish yourco-workers did too?Introducing CubeGuard, thesmart new office tool designedto prevent unwantedinterruptions and improveproductivity.Mike T.: Look, if I don't respect theoffice *** harassmentpolicy, you expect me to respectthis little doo-dad?announcer: CubeGuard installs in secondswith no tools required.Message cartridges areinterchangeable and available ina variety of photo-quality printdesigns and messages.Mike O.: So it creates an invisiblesoundproof barrier around yourcubicle?No, it's just a band? Okay.man: CubeGuard, for (bleep) whodon't understand noisecancellation headphones.announcer: Choose from "Do not disturb,""Out to lunch," "Working fromhome" or "Out of the office."man: Passive aggressive co-worker.I'm a bummer to be around.No one's talking to me anywaybut I want to insult you still.man: Debbie, I can see you,you're right there!You're not out to lunch!Debbie, I need those reports.This is a business, Debbie.Stop ignoring me.announcer: Impress your boss withprojects completed on time andreward yourself by leaving theoffice on time with CubeGuard.Judy: I hope they have one thatsays, "You're fired" 'cause youwill be if you use this.announcer: CubeGuard, get your messageacross today.♪♪narrator: And now, a break in thecountdown for the not so smartinventions in history.The 1950s Duo-ped.commentator: It's riding a bike, really.It's just one foot afterthe other, up and down, thereyou go and before you know it,you'll-- oh...narrator: The grapefruit eating mask.man: All you have to do is pulldown the protective screen whichis provided and then you can eata grapefruit without any troubleat all.narrator: And the flying car.commentator: Up, up and away!(coughing)Oh God.I'm on fire!narrator: That was not so smartinventions in history.♪♪announcer: Laird or Lady.The title given to a rightfullandowner in Scotland.The thing is, you don't have tobe Scottish to own land there.To become a Laird or Ladygift box contains all thepaperwork necessary to registerand own a one-square foot plotof land at the Dunans Estatein Argyll, Scotland.Mike T.: This is a gift for which thephrase "thanks for nothing"is appropriate.announcer: When you give someone theLaird or Lady Giftbox, he or shewill complete the registration,and thus, legally gain the title"Lady" or "Laird."Brad: Nothing says Christmas likelegal papers, deeds and a falsetitle bearing no powerwhatsoever.announcer: Side note, the Scottish titleLaird is equivalent to theEnglish Lord.Kevin: Except for that it's wayless cool.announcer: But be careful, theirnew-found title may go totheir head.man: Hey, could you give me a handwith the dishes?woman: Excuse you?What did you just call me?man: Lady Ashley?Can you come give me a hand withthe dishes?woman: No.Chris: Oh, great, so I can buy mygirlfriend a plot of land asa gift and she'll start being a*** to me?Where do I sign?announcer: Register and own a one squarefoot plot of landin Argyll, Scotland.A truly unique gift idea.The Become a Laird or LadyGiftbox.Kevin: Yeah, I told you,Mom, I bought a place.It's great, it's got a safeneighborhood, lots of light.Amazing views.Sean: Who's that, your mom?Hi, Ellen, how you doing,It's Sean.Thank you for the brownies,they were delicious!Kevin: That's my neighbor.You cannot say hi.Sean: She wants to say hello?Let me have the phone.Kevin: No-no-no-no.Sean: Come on, I got a coupleof minutes, I wanna talk to her.Kevin: I'm going to the other halfof my property.narrator: Coming up...Drinks that go right toyour backside.announcer: Papa Bert's Sippin' Seatcan hold up to three cups ofliquid and up to 300 poundsof ***.narrator: And...Guard Owl.But first, a clue to the numberone smartest invention.woman: What do we have from...Susan.woman: The number one smartestinvention, ma'am.woman: Highly doubtful.Let's see it.Wow, it's...woman: Constantly changing shape.woman: But also...woman: Full of danger.woman: And it's...woman: So fun you can't stop? Yes.woman: This truly is the number onesmartest invention.I'm not looking at anyother entries.Go home, brats.Chris: Oh, man!Power down, Kiki.narrator: When "World's SmartestInventions" continues.♪♪announcer: Tired of those same oldboring barbecues?Not hamburgers and hot dogsagain.Make your next barbecue moreexciting with the Ham Dogger.The Ham Dogger takes ordinaryhamburger meat and transforms itinto the perfect hot dog shape.It's the best of both worlds.Jared: But a hot dog is...already in a hot dog shape so...You know best.announcer: The two-piece cylinder allowsyou to turn ground beef orground turkey into fun hot dogshaped hamburgers.Mike T.: Can't you just do that withyour hands?Didn't you guys ever playwith Play-Doh?announcer: Simply put some meat into theHam Dogger and throw iton the grill.It's that easy.You'll have the most uniquebarbecue treat on the block.Brendon: No, it's not a weird, longskinny hamburger.It's a Ham Dog!Call it by its right name!announcer: It's a fun way to surpriseyour guests.You'll be the hitof the barbecue.Sean: 'Cause no one elsewill be there.announcer: No more extra rolls.With the Ham Dogger, you'llnever have to worry aboutmismatched buns again.Ted: Matching buns to burgers,who can do all that math?announcer: When you're at your nextbarbecue and someone asks,"Hamburger or hot dog?"Say both.Kevin: And then when they actuallygive you a hamburger and a hotdog, scream at them that theydon't understand the Ham Dogger.announcer: With the fun new Ham Dogger.Mike B.: Oh, I hate when they poke funat everything.Food is delicious or it's not.Who eats stuff and goes whee!Ooh, this is fun!How's your chicken?Ooh, it's so much fun.Hey, how's that steak, there?My steak, it tickle me.announcer: Trash lids, animals canremove them.Storms blow them away.Sometimes, they just vanish.Brendon: Missing garbage can lids?This looks like a job for thetoupee detective.announcer: Say goodbye to that garbagemess from bad lids, broken lids,lost lids.Now there's Last Lid, theflexible replacementgarbage can lid.Last Lid, the last lid you'llever need, guaranteed.Chris: Wait a minute, asmell-absorbing cloth lidfor my garbage?Why didn't I think of that?announcer: To attach, place last lidover the top of your can andover the handles.Then just cinch theVelcro fastener.Use included zip ties to keep itwith your can.Kevin: Finally, something that makestaking out the garbageinto a bigger deal.Mike O.: With the Last Lid yourgarbage man will be saying,(bleep) this.Let's move on to the next house.I can't get this (bleep) open.announcer: Ever try to buy just areplacement lid?Instead, you're stuck with theexpense and trouble of a wholenew can.With Last Lid, there's no morehosing or scrubbing.Mike T.: I don't ask much frommy wife.All I ask is that when I comehome, the trash can lids befreshly cleaned withhot soapy water.man: I really like Last Lid 'causeit's easy to remove.It keeps the trash in and theanimals out.Jared: By the way, all garbage mentalk like this.announcer: Put a lid on your garbageproblems with Last Lid.Animal-proof, weatherproof,spill-proof, protectionfor life.man: It's the last lid you'llever need.announcer: Guaranteed.Mike O.: Having these in your drivewayis like yelling to yourneighbors, "I buy thingsoff TV.I can't help it."announcer: Order now to get Last Lidplus a second Last Lid and tenzip ties all for just $10.99.Rachel: If this is really the LastLid, what's the second one for?announcer: Inventions that nobodyasked for.Introducing the Oreo Shooter.man: Today we want to try toseparate Oreos.So I make this special launcherjust for the purpose.It's actually a pump actionOreo shooter.We gonna shoot in the real--into ballistic gelatin.I split it somehow, just notin the middle.(chuckling)Now this is a manly wayto separate an Oreo.(chuckling)announcer: Oh, no, all your hard work inthe garden is ruined.Some pesky critter has pilferedyour produce.There has to be a better way.Introducing the Watch Owl, thebest way to keep nature's pestsat bay.The Watch Owl is a revolution inall-natural pest control.Mike T.: Robots, the all-naturalsolution.announcer: The secret is Watch Owl'sbuilt-in motion sensor thatdetects even the slightestmovement, sending the head inmotion while initiating alife-like owl sound.Chris: The secret is Watch Owl'ssonic laser eyes which willdisintegrate the flesh of anyanimal in seconds.announcer: It works because thepredatory prominence of themighty owl strikes mortal fearinto the hearts of pests, makingthem hightail it for the hills.Kevin: But what if my garden isbeing ransacked by owls?Mike T.: Do you have something that'llmake all those animals come overto my house for a picnic?If so, add to cart.announcer: We guarantee it will workeffectively to keep pests awayor your money back.But wait.Order now and you can geta second Watch Owl.That's right, a secondWatch Owl.Mike O.: So they'll just be detectingeach other with their motionsensors perpetually making noiseall night long.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.announcer: Watch Owl, just 19.99.Call now for this amazingTV-only offer.narrator: Inventors know adults like todrink on the go.And they need a place to holdthat liquor.Whether it's on the head...(slurping)The belt...Or hidden under the shirt.Which brings us to number 14.Lush: Hello, class.Doctor Lush here.Have I got a product for you.Papa Bert's Sippin' Seat canhold up to three cups of liquidand up to 300 pounds of ***,all under a comfortable anddurable pad.Brendon: Because what's morerefreshing than a gin and tonicthat big fat Gus has beensitting on for six hours?Lush: I hear that your hotgirlfriend is finally coming toone of your games.Well, use a Papa Bert'sSippin' Seat and drink while youthink about how you'll convinceher that you're still her numberone jock.Rachel: I don't know who Papa Bert isbut now it's clear why Mama Berttook off.Lush: I know that some of you havebeen warming the bench a littlelonger than Coach promised.And your little egos and tushiesare sore.commentator: Oh, oh.Jared: Excuse me, is thisComparative Religion 202?Feel like I'm in the wrong room.Lush: So whether you're a crappykicker or a terrible tackler,you won't mind missing anothersecond of the action.Mike B.: Well, that's why you're notgetting in the game.It's not your skill set.It's you smell like liquor.(school bell ringing)Lush: Well... there's the bell,class.Till next time, have fun,be safe...and drink up.Ted: Oh my God, I had no idea shewas gonna be hot.announcer: Sippin' Seat,order yours today.narrator: Coming up...For their eyes only.man: Stop!narrator: And you don't have to be ahothead anymore.announcer: Chillow keeps your headcool and dry.narrator: Later, the number onesmartest invention you have tosee to believe.When "World's SmartestInventions" continues.♪♪narrator: For every inch of the femaleanatomy, there's an inventiondesigned to give nature a boost.From the lips...announcer: Fuller, sexier, more kissablelips in seconds.narrator: To the backside...announcer: Cover that embarrassing buttcrack with Backtacular.narrator: And the front side.woman: The original Cuchini.You can say no to the dreadedcamel toe.narrator: Now we introduceBust Up Cups.announcer: Have you ever feltself-conscious about your figurewhen you wear low-cut tightfitting tops because you don'tfill them out?Do you wanna look and feelsexier in your clothes withoutuncomfortable pushup bras andinserts that don't stay put?Maybe you've even consideredbreast augmentation?Mike T.: What are those, A cups?(mocking retching)announcer: Having fuller, firmer looking*** or lifting a saggingbustline has never been easierto achieve.The secret is Bust Up Cupsby Kymaro.Simply place the Bust Up Cupsinto your bra or swimsuit andwatch the instanttransformation.Jared: Ah, so you guys inventedfalsies.announcer: Bust Up Cups can be worninside any bra.Wear them with all of yourclothes from t-shirts and tanktops to strapless gowns andbutton-down blouses.Mike O.: Bust Up Cups turn youruseless yam *** into works of***-- art.Works of ***-- art.God, I can't stop doingthat, ha!announcer: And because they're reusable,they're great for everyday.Wear them for special eventslike parties, nightclubs oranywhere you wanna makea statement and feelmore confident.Brendon: Wear them to parties,nightclubs, anywhere it'sinappropriate to beflat-chested.woman: This is so incredible.I went from a 34A to a 34B.An entire cup size in like lessthan two minutes.Rachel: Sure, Greg,you can feel me up.Just let me get these rubberylie sacks out of the wayso you can get tomy disappointing ***.announcer: Call now and for a limitedtime you can get Kymaro's BustUp Cups for the unbelievablylow price of only 19.95.man: 19.95 for brand-new ***?Hey, Susan, I just saved ourmarriage!announcer: Millions of people sufferfrom back pain.Now you can get some reliefwith the Cushy Comfort, thetoilet seat cover that providesthe lower back support you need.Nate: Lower back support?I'm crapping, not helping myfriends move.announcer: You can't choose the lengthof your visit, so why notbe comfortable?Judy: 2:00 already?announcer: The Cushy Comfort allows youto have comfort in a placeyou've never had it before.Mike T.: Where's that, dinner withmy parents?announcer: For those in the family thatdon't need the extra support,the cushion is speciallydesigned to rest on top of thetoilet.Chris: And if you reallywanna conceal the cushion, flipit over the lid, open the tankand submerge it.No one will ever see it.announcer: Let's check in on theinventor, Chris Baker, as hetakes the Cushy Comforton the road.C. Baker: We've always thought aboutthe cushions for the seat part.Nobody ever thought aboutthe back.Sean: No, we thought of it.We just didn't waste time on it.woman: We've all heard that theCardinals have sold out thisyear, tell me a little bit aboutthis, this is great.C. Baker: These are samples that we hadmade...woman: Uh-huh.C. Baker: 'Cause we figure once we getgoing, we'd like to producethese for the NFL, NBA, NHL,everybody.Rachel: An attorney for the NFLcalled and they asked that younever mention them again.announcer: So why wait?Order your Cushy Comfort today.announcer: Roboventions.narrator: Machines work so you don'thave to.The pancake-making robot.The rock, paper, scissors robot.robot: You win.I win.announcer: And the robot rickshaw.(robot talking)narrator: Thanks, robots.man: You know that black holeinside your car?Shoulda had a Drop Stop !man:That bottomless pit?Bermuda Triangle?Shoulda had a Drop Stop !Sean: No, not the fries!man: Now you can stop the dropwith Drop Stop.man: Watch this.Money down the drain.Makeup, jewelry, cell phone.But with Drop Stop, you'll besaving cash in a flash.Kevin: The money doesn't disappear.It's under the seat.How quickly do you give upon things?man: We came up with the idea ofDrop Stop after my phone fell.I took my eyes off the road,nearly hit a pedestrian andalmost smashed into a pole.Jared: Yeah, Mark, I'm not gonna buysomething because you'rea terrible driver.Mike T.: Now with Drop Stop, I cantext, email, do whatever I want.Thanks, Drop Stop.man: Drop Stop may look too widebut it's squishy inside, whichmeans one size fits all.Daisy: It may look too widebut it's squishy inside.Who hasn't had to tell that to alady, am I right?man: And since the gap is always adark shadow...Jared: What a creepy thing to say.The gap is always a dark shadow,isn't it, boys?man: Stop taking chances.Call right now to put an end tothis problem once and for allwith Drop Stop!Jared: I'm Jared Logan,and I'm not just seriousabout hunting safety,I'm serious about toilet safety.That's why I'm taking over thefollowing invention.narrator: Jared Logan, take over.Rutt Wipe, hunter-safe orangetoilet paper.woman: Man, we haven't seen a deerall day.man: Hey, look over there.Behind that bush.Is that a deer?woman: I think so.I'm gonna shoot and find out.Jared: I don't think any inventionis gonna help you against awoman who shoots things to findout what they are.woman: I'm gonna shoot and find out.(gunshot)man: Hey, I'm not a deer,you moron.woman: Oh, man, I'm sorry, you lookjust like a deer butt.man: What are you, an idiot?Look what you did.Jared: Look what you've done to myexpensive roll of toilet paper.Where will I ever get a new one?man: Hey, man, you shouldn't beusing that white toilet paperlike that in this woods.Jared: If you can't tell thedifference between toilet paperand a deer, you should not beallowed to have a gun.woman: You gotta use this stuff.It's Rutt Wipe.It's blaze orange toilet paperso you don't get shot with yourpants down.Jared: I use Rutt Wipe for a littlewhile and it kinda createsa condition that I refer to aspumpkin butt.man: Here, have one on us.Don't get shot with your pantsdown next time.Jared: Wow, thanks for the advice,but I'm kind of, uh, in anuncomfortable position rightnow so...man: Holy cow, is that a deer?man: That deer has the right idea.Protect your assets withRutt Wipe.Jared: Rutt Wipe, if you absolutely,positively must do number two ina high gunfire area.narrator: Now back to the countdown.announcer: Are you tired of those hot,sticky sleepless nights?man: Am I tired of hot, stickysleepless nights?The answer is 100 percent no.announcer: Introducing Chillow, theamazing new pillow pack thattransforms your pillow intoa Chillow.Look, pillows trap body heat,increasing perspiration.Brendon: Whoa, America's head sweatproblem is way worse thanI thought.announcer: Are you fed up with flippingyour pillow looking for relief?Some nights you feel like you'reon fire.Jared: That's because your head isliterally on fire.Quick, put it out!announcer: The secret is soothe softtechnology, the water-cooledmemory foam that keeps you coolfor hours.Daisy: Another smart inventionthat's a big help with this:air conditioners.announcer: Watch-- these thermographicimages show significantly lowerblue Chillow temperatures, butthe down pillow is manydegrees warmer.Sean: Just because you put numberson a screen doesn't make 'emscientific.I could do that, look, eight,16, 23, 42...man: Every night I used to wake upin a puddle of sweat.Chillow really helps spread thatcoolness around so nowI feel comfortable.Rachel: Finally, a way thatDemitrius V. can avoid one ofthe many warning signsthat he's morbidly obese.announcer: Now order the amazing Chillowfor the special TV priceof just 12.99.But wait.Jaime: I'm tired of but waiting.announcer: Call in the next ten minutesand we'll send you a secondChillow, free.Mike O.: Whoa, two Chillows?What, do they want me to freezeto death?announcer: You get it all.Two Chillows for just 12.99,so call now.Gilbert: And if you die in your sleep,your corpse will be preservedtill morning.narrator: Coming up... when naturecalls, don't put it on hold.announcer: Introducing the Gota'Go,the freedom to go anytime,anywhere.narrator: Plus...announcer: The amazing new beautytreatment that's designed tosmooth away chest wrinkles.onarrator: And... four out of fiveyetis recommend...yeti: Sq-Sq-Squeezy Fr-Fre-Freezy.narrator: When "World's SmartestInventions" continues.♪♪Rachel: I'm Rachel Feinstein and thisis what we've learned so far.*** alcoholics will buyanything.Lush: Anybody up for a littleone-on-one?Rachel: Being passive aggressive atwork has never been easier.announcer: Introduce CubeGuard, thesmart new office tool designedto prevent unwantedinterruptions and improveproductivity.Rachel: Land in Scotland isworthless.announcer: Register and own a one squarefoot plot of land at the DunansEstate in Argyll, Scotland.Rachel: And women are liars.announcer: Having fuller, firmer looking*** or lifting a saggingbustline has never been easierto achieve.Rachel: I'm Rachel Feinstein andthat's what we've learnedso far.narrator: Made in Japan,offered to the world.Products we never even knewwe needed.Like the shoe umbrella.commentator: Ah, see it's perfect to keepyour toe dry.narrator: The hay fever hat.(sneezing)narrator: The Pocket Tie.announcer: It holds everything.From your calculators to yourpersonal grooming tools.narrator: And the Pet Duster.commentator: Oh, it's cute, oh.(man laughing)narrator: Japan's latest export is theDoughnut To-Go.announcer: Everyone loves doughnuts,but carrying them can be messyand using a bag can leave yourdoughnuts smashed.Introducing Doughnut To-Go, thecompact doughnut carrying case.Kevin: Yeah, much like the case youget when you buya few doughnuts.announcer: Doughnut To-Go has a centerhole keeping your doughnutsecurely in place.Mike O.: Doughnut To-Go is good forany doughnut except a Bostoncream, a jelly doughnut, a bearclaw, a cruller...announcer: Doughnut To-Go isn't just fortransporting your doughnuts.It's also designed to keep themsafe from others.Ted: If a doughnut is your mostvaluable possession, this isonly one of many bad decisions.announcer: Watch Doughnut To-Go inaction.With a patented security hold,the office thief can't ***your doughnut.Jared: You better believe, I'mbreaking that crap open andeating that doughnut.On principle!announcer: Ah, sweet revenge.Nate: Oh my God,he's gonna propose!(man humming)Jaime: Boy, the Japanese take theirdoughnuts really seriously.announcer: With a passive ventilationsystem, it's alsomicrowave safe.commentator: Oh.Gilbert: Hey, that microwave doughnutlooks... disgusting.announcer: Keep your doughnut safeand secure.Order the Doughnut To-Go foronly 9.99.Mike T.: Whoever invented this haszero understandingof doughnut culture.Mike T.: You don't get a doughnut tohave at some unknown point downthe road.You eat the doughnut in theparking lot of the place thatsells the doughnuts,while you're crying.Megan: Hi, Megan Gunning here forSmooth Secret, the amazing newbeauty treatment that's designedto smooth away chest wrinkleswhile you sleep.Ted: I actually love how the sidesof my girlfriend's ***crinkle up when she smiles.announcer: The secret to Smooth Secret'sinstant success is a uniquemedical grade silicone pad thatyou simply put on before goingto bed and removein the morning.Kevin: You can put this over yourchest at night to tell yourhusband back off, without everhaving to talk to him.woman: Your skin is softer, tighter.I am in shock about how greatthis product really is.Brendon: Hey, wanna know the secretbehind the Smooth Secret?It doesn't do (bleep).announcer: Call now and get the reusableSmooth Secret and remove yourchest wrinkles overnight forjust 19.99.As a bonus, you'll also receiveour reusable facial pads.Jared: I think the facial pads mayhave smoothed out hercerebral cortex.announcer: Now you can finally have ayounger, smoother lookingchest with Smooth Secret.Mike T.: Can you buy them used?My friend wants to know.Kevin: Did you ask yet?Mike T.: I literally just did.Kevin: Yeah!Mike T.: What are you gonna do?announcer: So call or go online now.♪♪announcer: This is regular pepper spray.And this isInferno Pepper Spray!man: This is a lot of power.This is a very potent tool.Get it, you'll never regret it.Stop!men: Ah!man: It's got a lot of range,a lot of power.And the main thing that I loveabout this, is theenormous bite.This is a view you'll neverwanna see.announcer: Oops, uh-oh, look out.Let's face it, kids spill stuff.But now parents can relaxwhenever kids snack.Introducing the Gyro Bowl.The world's first ever snackbowl that spins and spinsand stuff stays in.So the Gyro Bowl keeps all yoursnacks inside howeveryou bounce, swing or fly.Kevin: Billy, not all activities areeating activities.Stop eating for one minute.announcer: And when Mom drives to thestore, Gyro Bowl keeps thesnacks off the floor.Judy: Hey, Bobby, let's see if thatGyro Bowl really works.(tires screeching)Judy: Wow !announcer: Gyro Bowl makes every snackmore fun without making a mess.boy: The magic is in the middle.The Gyro Bowl works just likea globe.Mike O.: This is as much of a globe asyou have a chance of making itas an actor.girl: Look, it's not even spillingpudding on my mom's favoritecashmere sweater.Jared: That's not pudding!announcer: Call today to get the GyroBowl with the stay-fresh lid forjust 14.99.Call now and you'll get a secondGyro Bowl and lidabsolutely free.Mike O.: But it's a Gyro Bowl.Why would you ever need a lid?announcer: Kids and moms everywhere lovethe Gyro Bowl.Jaime: Dads have no opinion of it.announcer: You will too, guaranteed.announcer: Every man has been there,but there isn't a bathroomin sight, and going outsideisn't an option.Introducing the Gota'Go,a concealed personal care devicethat gives you the freedom to goanytime, anywhere.Jaime: All the fun of a colostomybag without the scary name.announcer: The Gota'Go allows waste totravel through a tube intoa medically sealed bag.Mike T.: Why should Grandpahave all the fun?announcer: Made for men on the move, theGota'Go is both discreetand durable.Daisy: And sad, very, very sad.announcer: Whether you're at the game...commentator: Unh-unh.Nate: Nah, I don't wanna missthis field goal.announcer: Or hunting big game.Bryan: Don't pee on a treeor behind a bush.Pee in your own pants like acivilized gentleman.announcer: Perfect if you're a truckeron a long haul or stuck ina long meeting.Brendon: No, Johnson, you sit thereand hold it until I'm finishedwith my PowerPoint presentation.announcer: Also great for HomelandSecurity, SWAT teams andpolice officers.Jared: This is Tango-Bravo-Charlie.Hold on, I just have to urinate.Okay, bring in POTUS.announcer: So when you gotta go,you Gota'Go, order now.Mike O.: You can have one of theseor life and relationshipswith people.You can't have both.narrator: Coming up...Sit and spin.man: This fork is a special designto wind up the spaghetti.narrator: Plus, this invention'son a roll.And later, what invention hasour cast reacting like this.Mike B.: Really?Brad: This is a bad idea.Chris: Oh, yeah, that seems safe.narrator: It's the number one smartestinvention.(mimicking explosion)narrator: Stay tuned to find outwhat it is.announcer: What can you freeze thensqueeze for slushiesthat please...kids: Squeezy Freezy!announcer: From the makers ofSlushy Magic,it's Squeezy Freezy.Jared: Whoa, this is from thecreators of Slushy Magic?Okay, you have my interest, go.kids: Squeezy Freezy!announcer: The coolest new slushy makerthat will have your wholefamily's taste buds chilling.boy: What's so cool?announcer: The yeti will show you.yeti: Freeze this.Sq-Sq-Squeezy, Fr-Fr-Freezy!announcer: Now that's yummy!Kevin: Hey, you know what doesn'tmake me wanna buy a product?An endorsement from a yeti.Rachel: The spokesperson is mythicalbut the diabetes is very real.announcer: The secret's in the squishypolar chambers.They freeze below zero degreesso when you squeeze your drink,it turns intoa slushy frozen treat.Chris: Below zero degrees?Yeah, right.Ah, ah, ahh! Ahh!announcer: You can even mix and matchflavors to Squeezy Freeze slushytreats that can't be beat.Judy: Jimmy! Do me a favor andSqueezy Freezy Mommy's ginwhile I take a little nap.yeti: Now that's slush-a-licious!announcer: They come in fourdifferent polar cups.Everything for 19.99, plus 8.99processing and handling.Brendon: So basically, it's a $30 cup.announcer: And so you can share theArctic fun with everyone, we'lldouble your entire SqueezyFreezy offer, free with yourpaid order.yeti: Yetis not included.Mike O.: Diane, the kids are outsidein the snow drinking slush andthere's a yeti in the kitchen.What the hell's going on?!announcer: A simple concept,a natural solution.Lindo Twist-N-Roll Tweezers willhelp you remove the unwantedfacial hair in two easy steps.Nate: Are you a manly broad thatlikes excruciating pain?Well, I've got an idea for you.announcer: First bend theTwist-N-Roll Tweezers into anupside down U-shape, and placethe coil against your skin.Now slowly turn the handlesoutward so that your thumbs comecloser together.Kevin: Apparently, this works bestif the hair you're trying toremove is invisible.announcer: With a simple twist and rollaction, hair is gently removedfrom the root, leading tosmoother skin andlong-lasting results.Judy: Ow!I mean, oh, I don't haveany hair.Ted: I gave our baby her firsthaircut with it.announcer: The Twist-N-Roll Tweezersremove unwanted hair from theroot, without the use ofchemicals, so the results willlast much longer, and the hairremoval process is more natural.Daisy: Because there's nothing morenatural than rolling a tinyslinky all over your face.announcer: You can use the Twist-N-RollTweezers over makeup.And you don't even needa mirror.You can even useTwist-N-Roll Tweezers whilewatching TV.Mike T.: While your husband looks onin horror.Chris: Now available for men.Ahh!narrator: And now a pointed historylesson on the fork.The fork was first used inancient Egypt for cooking.commentator: Mmm.narrator: Nobles in the Byzantineempire introducedthe dining fork.commentator: Ew...narrator: With limited success.commentator: Use your hands!narrator: Eventually, forks became moreaccepted at mealtime.commentator: Use a fork.narrator: But the modern fork haslargely remained unchanged.Until now.♪♪Bob: Hello, my name is Bob Balow.I'm the inventor of the originalPasta Fork.Tonight, we're gonna demonstratehow to use the fork.Mike O.: Correct me if I'm wrong butwasn't the original pasta forkbe a... the fork?Bob: Hopefully, you'll havea great time using it withfriends, family and kids.Gilbert: Whoa, Bob, dial back thepersonality a little bit.Bob: This fork is a special designto wind up the spaghetti.Make it easy and fun to eatthe pasta.Ted: Unfortunately, nobody eversees it.Because Bob always eats alone.Bob: Takes a little practice andeventually you'll start eatingyour pasta a little bittoo fast.Jared: Wow, an oversized fork thatI bring to restaurants with meand it takes practice?I'm on board.Bob: So the way you wanna start ishave your hand at the top.Hold it loosely andget a little spaghetti on theside of the plate and slideyour hand down.Go back up and wind it upand there you go.Chris: See how those noodles wraparound that fork?That's what I wanna do with myarms around Bob,'cause he needs a hug.Bob: Bon appé***.Kevin: I'm Kevin McCaffrey and thisis a towel with holes in it.announcer: With the Tippy Toes Towel,simply place your toes in thefive slits of the towel, andslide it from end to end whiledrying the rest of your foot.Drying between your toes hasnever been easier.Order your Tippy Toes Towel now.Kevin: See, I told you.This is just a towel.With holes in it.announcer: You squeeze, you roll,you press, now your bathroomlooks a mess.And why is it impossible to getout the last drop of toothpaste?Gilbert: Ahh! Operating a toothpastetube is impossible!Kevin: The problem here isn't thetoothpaste, it's your completelack of motor skills.Just put it on the brush.announcer: Introducing Touch N Brush,the hands-free toothpastedispenser that works with justa touch.Press on the airtightsuction cups.Insert your favorite toothpaste.Then pop on the cover.There's no electric or batteriesto replace.It's that easy.Brad: Have you been looking fora large wall-mounted mechanicalway to get toothpaste?Well, have I got a productfor you.announcer: Touch N Brush neatlydispenses the perfect amount oftoothpaste in just one secondevery time.Ted: It's a great way to helpspread the flu to yourentire family.announcer: Tired of the kids leavingbehind a morning mess?No problem, because now it'seasy and cool to brushbefore school.Sean: Guess what I did beforeschool today?Brush my teeth.(laughing)Oh, yeah, I'm the man.announcer: Similar products sell forover $70.Mike T.: 76.31, that's a very specificprice for what is clearlya made-up competitor.announcer: But you can get Touch N Brushtoday for the amazing low priceof just 19.99.Together, that's a $90 value.Mike O.: If you can't be trusted witha tube of toothpaste, you don'tdeserve to have teeth.narrator: And now, your final clue tothe number one smartestinvention.woman: World's Smartest Inventionhotline.This is Candy, wanna chat?Mike T.: Yeah, I want you to tell meabout the number one smartestinvention.woman: Ooh, it's big, strongand rubbery.Mike T.: Oh, yeah.woman: It only works if you put fourpeople inside of it.Mike T.: Ooh, a group thing, yeah.Tell me what it does.woman: It throws you and yourfriends back and forth.Mike T.: Ooh, yeah...woman: Until one of you goes down.Mike T.: Oh, man, I'm gonnafreakin' explode!With anticipation-- I reallylike inventions.woman: Yeah, you sound like it.Mike T.: Side note, do you have aninvention to make this notappear on my bill?I have a wife.woman: No, you don't.narrator: The number one smartestinvention is next.♪♪narrator: We'll get to the number onesmartest invention in justa second, but first,it's time to pay tribute tothose who truly make these smartinventions come to life:the actors.The ones who brought us pain...man: Ow!commentator: Ow!commentator: Oh!narrator: Fear.(screaming)narrator: Agitation.Discomfort.(groaning)Groping.(moaning)Water in the ear.Exaggerated enjoyment.Unusual drinking habits.(slurping)Incompetence.woman: Oh, no.narrator: Constipation.(groaning)narrator: ***.And whatever this is.commentator: Ahh!narrator: We salute you.The actors who made theseinventions so amazing.narrator: And now, the number onesmartest invention.announcer: This is a slingshot.This is a human.(slurping)And this is the human slingshot.Brad: This is a bad idea.announcer: The outdoor game has you andyour friends flinging oneanother aroundin a giant stretchable band.You use your momentum to launchyour friends across the band,and when they reach the otherside, it's your turn.Ted: I want to do that.I have plenty of timeto do that.announcer: Once you get the hang of it,you'll find that it's incrediblysimple and incredibly fun.Mike T.: You know how I've been sayingI wanna chip my tooth runninginto one of your faces?Well, now we have a thing to dothat with!announcer: The action continues until...man: Whoa!announcer: Then they dust themselves offand the fun continues.Chris: Here comes the warning abouthaving to wear helmets.announcer: Of course, the HumanSlingshot is a blast on its own.Chris: Really, no warning?announcer: But for an extra challenge,try adding a ball to the mix.Brendon: Or you could spice it up withsome vegetable oil and no pants.announcer: The Human Slingshot is madefrom a durable polyesterspandex blend, so even though wedon't recommend it, theSlingshot can withstand theforce of this, uh...bobsled team.Mike O.: Have you guys ever seena bobsled?announcer: Buy the adrenaline-pumpingHuman Slingshot now.Kevin: I think with this game, thelast one standing is just theperson who has nowhereelse to be.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo.man: Hoo.Chris: Hoo. [[]] [[]] http://www.allreadable.com/fb/d41d4EYMeghan Tkachuk edited1+ month ago World's Smartest Inventions 12